Amma

A couple of days ago, I found myself amongst thousands of fellow seekers seated in a hall overlooking the vast expanse of the city.

As She spoke you could almost feel a ripple in your heart, a warm familiar place you always seem to miss in your daily life,moving here and there, whilst involving yourself in all sorts of dramas. She laughed like a child and we all laughed like children, Her children, children of the Earth, children of the sky above, children of the universe, children of the divine.

She regailed us with sweet anecdotes on the most basic home truths some of which we all too often tend to forget. Then She embraced me, ahh if ever there were a moment when all else goes quiet, when all about you seems warm and tranquil that is it.

Amma ia called the 'Hugging Guru' and has hugged thousands upon thousands of people all across the planet. For that momentary embrace people have travelled continents, waited for hours and in doing so received something very rare in this day and age - a moment of pure unconditional love.

Amma's embrace is Her outpouring of love, the kind of love only a mother can give her cherished and beloved children. What makes Amma so special is Her ability to love each and every person who approaches Her with the same depth and intention.
Truly speaking, it is not just an embrace, it is an outpouring of grace, something deeply moving, an awakening of sorts, a churning of the heart which stays with you ready to be accessed at anytime...there is something special about you, inside yourself and you just know it.

To some Amma's embrace is just that - an embrace, but no embrace can be described as mere. Just the very act of giving someone a hug is powerful in itself, for it denotes welcome, acceptance, honour, respect, gratitude, love. One can take all these from Her embrace and yet more. Just the very act of a hug is beautiful and if we can spread that beauty around this world in which we live in we become a part of that beauty and make the world beautiful to live in.

To me Amma represents the gateway to the source of all things, the Divine Mother, the Shakti inherent in all things, animate and inanimate, the vibration of all love from which we all begin and end.

I still feel the depth of Her embrace and the words She whispered in my ear signifying Her unconditional Love and neverending Grace just like that of my own beloved Guru - Gurumayi Chidvilasananda.

Reflections in a Moonlit Garden

Ah how far your wings have flown, my love
far beyond the furtherest peak my eyes can see.
T'was only a wrinkle in time
you spent by my side.
Such magic, such magic.

Your perfume still lingers in this garden
you created in my heart,
amongst fragrant gardenias, rose bushes and
layers of jasmine circling the pond,
covered in lotuses crystal waters reflecting the silver glow
of the full moon, God's eye
winking at you, winking at me.

I see you now with my minds eye,
safe and warm in the arms of another love,
in a distant land, a distant garden,
asleep, at peace, lost in visions of
the winged ones, the fairy ones,
soft breaths of magic, a sprinkling of moondust
all across over your serene face.

Remember the first snowfall
that cold, dark winter's night.
Magic in your eyes,wonder in your sigh,
Your hands held mine,
lovers eternal in a moment;
ah how contradictory
the pen of playwright Destiny.

When echoes of your laugh rustle
among the leafy branches of my memory,
how then sweet one, could I let go
one such as you, one such a part of me.

Why bid me farewell, oh lover? You asked.
Why see me depart from your world,
Do I not leave you memories of pain,
torn shards of a heart, all too often broken?

I come not to stop you, or change your mind, I sighed.
My heart compels me to set you forth
on your own journey, your own path,
for love neither possesses nor hides
it frees as you are,
for now, for tomorrow, for evermore.

Your parting whisper of another tomorrow,
still resonates in my ear.
Maybe tomorrow, maybe not ever.
But my love this besotted one shall not forget,
the nectarian glow of that full moon
under which you dream of realms
no man has seen before,
that moon also lights up my reverie.
We glow in the same magic,
we glow with the same light,
Connected by moonbeams,
through space, through time,
We are not apart
ever..

Across the Miles

I awoke this morning
the sounds of birdsong in my ears
strange, for tis' cannot be
the bed I fell into the night before.

The window faces, not a busy street
nor a sea of traffic, no sirens,
nor the hustle-bustle,
of a multitude of fellow dreamers..

Up ahead lies a green valley
spread out as far as my eyes can see,
rows of colourful trees bearing ripe fruit
and exotic birds the kind of which
I have never seen before.

I walk outside to discover a day
brighter than any I have ever known.
A cool breeze carresses my face
under a picture perfect blue sky
adorned by a golden orb of dazzling light
rising in the eastern sky.

Bells, tiny bells, large bells, bells everywhere.
A bewitching flute, a melody, a lullabye,
tugging at the very strings of my heart,
a yearning, a summons, a call, an intoxication divine.

An orchestra of bells somewhere in the distance.
I walk up a hilly path in bewitched in this melody,
as bluebirds pass me by,
flying above perfumed rose bushes on either side
mesmerising me further with every step.

The path ends and lo before me stands
a castle encrusted with jewels,
of every colour, shape and hue;
a magnificent monument
of towers and minarets and domes,
reaching oh so high, kissing white cottony clouds above.

Flying carpets float by with ancient yogis seated upon them,
a pair of unicorns run past me.
I see a centaur in the distance waving at me,
gesturing courage to his brethren
beckoning me further towards the castle.

I seemingly float towards sheer, shiny magnificance
lost in the melody of that flute, those bells.
Tears run freely now for heart has been conquered,
releasing previous memories, forgotten memories,
moments of happiness, moments of sorrow,
all merged into one, dissolving into the pulse
of another time, another place..

A great door opens before me.
An ethereal coolness welcomes me.
A choral sigh soothes me.
The sense of home,
I have arrived..back to where I began.

The familarity, the knowing, the love..
this is the home I have always searched for..
more than any home I have ever known...

Ethereal light pervades throughout
swirling ripples of all the colours of the rainbow
pervaded by the purest white light
from above or below, I do not know.

I see no orchestra and no musicians, yet this symphony plays
enthraling me in a greater delight, peerless reverie .
Those bells again, I hear them moving softly
I turn, I see her standing there by an altar
bathed in white as swirls of various colours
fade into and out of that light.

Who is this beauteous maiden, who smiles at me so?
Why do my eyes glow in ancient recognition,
why does my heart miss a million beats all at once?
I have loved this peerless soul, I know, oh I know.

Do you not remember me oh lover, she teases?
Of the millennia you held my hand in yours
to walk mile after mile land after land,
to sail over waters through silent winds and stormy nights,
life after life.

Do you not remember my love,
our pact at the beginning,
to love and to love, and to love,
to re-unite again and again until
the end..when we are one again..

Her hair was long, eyes seemingly looking right into me
Could she be the other half I have read so much about?
Are not Twin souls, or twin selves.. a myth,
created by misguided romantic notions,
of heartsick souls grasping at straws of false hope
in a world seemingly without hope,
where love divine, where ties eternal
across lifetimes, across worlds is but a fairytale?

She laughs now seemingly hearing my thoughts.
I used to face the same thoughts you do now,
but how you reminded me of the truth, of you, of us..
Now I am here to remind you my love of all the times
you came back for me..forget me not oh love..
I am not far away from you..in the plane of waking eyes
we are closer than you think..remember me when you return
and remind me as you always do for we will pass each other by,
for when I see you, I may know you but I may as yet not remember..

She fades
into the music, the lights, the reverie...
believe in love, believe in me..in us - her parting words

A cacophonic burst of bells digs into my ears
pulling me from this divine place,
I do not want to leave just yet,
just one moment more please oh lord
this is home, I am from this place..I dont want to go...

Alas..I awaken to my alarm clock,
my bed, my room..my waking world,
streams of sunlight stream through the window onto me.

Steaming tea in hand, I stand before the portal,
of the fast moving world outside.
People, so many people,
Is she really out there....

November

Here comes November.

November with all its mystery and promise of magic, the onset of winter, promises of long dark nights, crystalline white frost flakes outside the window, blurry windsong through the rustling of trees. A hint of snowflakes..maybe..

Hot chocolate, long chats by the fireside, meeting with friends over coffee, children running about, wonder filling the air...that all too familiar air of expectation..December is just around the corner..the culmination of another year, another phase, another adventure..

Ahh but wait..this moment of adventure is not over..yet..

Forever

One of my all time favourite songs by one of my favourite artists..thank God for soft rock!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44ZLCIOyKLg

now
while we're here alone
and all is said and done
now I can let you know
because of all you've shown
I've grown enough to tell you
you'll always be inside of me
how many roads have gone by
so many words left unspoken
I needed to be by your side
if only to hold you

forever in my heart
forever we will be
and even when I'm gone
you'll be here in me
forever

once
I dreamed that you were gone
I cried out tryin' to find ya
I begged the dream to fade
away and please awaken me
the night took a hold of my heart
and left me with no one to follow
the love that I'd lost to the dark
I'll always remember

forever in my heart
forever here you'll be
and know that when I'm gone
you'll be near to me
forever in my heart
always thought I'd be
I'd be yours

forever...

- Kenny Loggins

In the face of

In the face of anger - Love
In the face of hatred - Love
In the face of Ignorance - Love

For even the deadliest snake runs out of venom sooner or later.

Love is:
Courage to keep us going,
Faith to see a goal in sight,
Compassion to accept and understand,
Strength to protect oneself and another,
Remembrance and Gratitude for the here and now,
for our yesterdays and all our tomorrows.
To think fulfilling thoughts
to speak uplifting words
to perform healing actions
Love is all these qualities and so much more.

Oh Zarathustra You inspire me,
such simplicity, such purity
but for now
just to skim the surface of Your fire is enough..
Your flames overwhelm me.

One People

This is a work of fiction)

Once a very long time ago beyond the hazy mists of time as we understand now, there existed a mighty Land, a prosperous land beyond compare.

It’s inhabitants were a race of powerful and peaceful people. They were well versed in the ways of Mother Nature. They had an astute understanding on how to give back to the land that what they had taken and in turn they were rewarded manifold with new bounty springing up from the Earth. Each season brought with it the delight and expectation of something new, which was always an opportunity to rejoice.

Ahh the opportunity to rejoice, dear reader. The manner in which these people used to celebrate, that is something legends are made of; the folktales of today barely scratch the surface of what true celebration is all about. The Gods up yonder in their heavens could hear the music it is said, to awaken from their heavenly slumber and gaze down below, past the realms of Angels into the realm of Man..and Woman. There were millions and millions of these gifted folk and not a mouth went hungry, ever. In fact hunger was unknown as was want of any kind. The Earth was immensely pleased with Her children, it is said she sprang rivers of nectar, a mere touch of which would erase any ills or need..streams of heavenly ambrosia from her own mysterious depths.

This beautiful place, which stretched thousands of miles in all directions had no rulers. If there existed one difference, it was that one half of the population worshipped the Sun as the source of all sustenance, purity and warmth while the other half worshipped the Moon as the symbol of sustenance, purity and all that was pleasantly cool. Regardless which direction they bowed to, they agreed and celebrated that both were sources of light, equally important in what would be a void of perpetual darkness.

The people devised a system of governance, which ensured unbridled equality among all. There walked among the common folk, beings of extraordinary intelligence and spiritual awareness who would oversee the flow of peace and prosperity and an increasing awareness among all. They spoke not as Gods or rulers but as common folk and in their innate wisdom they guided the masses in all affairs of state and life. Their wisdom was open to question and open forums were always something to look forward to by the local community as an opportunity to learn and develop the mind and the spirit. People revelled in the soundness of their vision and the principles of Honour, Valour, Duty, Compassion and Love, which were the guiding lights of life in all circles. Man and woman were considered as precious as one another, their intrinsic worth considered immeasurable in the eyes of the other. The people were as varied in their skin colours and appearance as they were gifted. Disease was practically unheard of as they lived in harmony with the world in which they were placed. They well understood the fact that there was a reason and a season for everything, which occurred in this plane of existence. Life was celebrated and death was welcomed as the doorway to another challenge, another choice to be met with pride and a shimmering level of consciousness.

Great stories were shared and passed on from one generation to another, each with pride in its roots, the ancestors of yore who performed many great feats and accomplishments.
In time however as usually happens with any civilization, that very pride, which nurtured life and its progression onto higher things, began to take its toll. The people began to get a little lost in that pride and began to superimpose it onto their own personal accomplishments as higher and better than that of their fellow men and women. They began comparing one another and in so doing began separating themselves from each other. Instead of being a part of the collective effort of elevating themselves in consciousness and understanding in the ways of this world, this universe, the notion of ‘I’ and ‘mine’ developed. Now of course, these people were not blind or deaf to one another, they all had a clear understanding that life was a personal journey in as much as it was a collective harmony with one another. However it became harder to sustain the notion of collective good with individual growth. In time the people began trying to outdo each other in all the areas of their lives. For a time the competition was healthy and it spurred them on to achieve many, many great things to surpass the accomplishments of their forefathers.

Perhaps it is how the Gods intended seated up in their heavens, perhaps it was the way destiny pens all his works, the good people began to fall from their collective, communal grace. The competition to be better than one another began to generate animosity. Jealousy reared its head, perhaps for the first time ever in this land, along with jealousy came his brother hatred who also began germinating slowly but surely. Where doors used to remain open to one another, they began to shut. Lines of separation sprang up, boundaries; exclusivity became the rage all across the land, spreading like a wildfire.

Don’t get me wrong, these people did not all become different, it is just that notions of ill-will which never existed before, began to do so now and considering the heights the land was familiar with, this was a sad fall. In an effort to become better in their little factions, many travelled beyond the kingdom where they heard tales of strange new technologies and gifts, which would assist them in outdoing their rivals at home. This of course brought strangers from far off lands who were astonished to see streets paved in what the locals considered useless metal – Gold, or shiny stones to adorn their shoes and hats –precious stones.

The foreign guests took with them supplies of these and many more gifts of the Earth to their own lands. They told tales of this land of bounty and the ignorance of the people about the value of such things. Slowly more and more people from afar began coming into this once mysterious place to take more of these things and soon it’s inhabitants began to scour the Earth forcefully to appease the appetites of their guests. This began to hurt the Earth, she felt violated and neglected. This had never happened to her before and she stopped giving for the first time ever. She went into hiding, scared, seemingly lost and alone; why were her children hurting her so? Had she not always given of herself to them before? Could they not feel her pain as their ancestors could? She tried to warn them in the way a mother would a wayward child, a tremor here, a minor flood there but in their quest for superiority amongst one another, the people lost their understanding of the ways of nature and began to forget what these signs meant. Like an abandoned child Mother Nature ran away, but where could she turn to, and she had to give in to the continuous violation of her laws.

She asked the Gods, how could she continue to give of her bounty if she was not given time to grow, to nourish, to nurture..the Gods were silent this day for the answers to her questions they knew not, they were occupied in their own games of spiritual chess.

One day the Queen of a mighty nation past the ocean to the West offered a treaty of friendship with the worshippers of the Sun. She did not extend her friendship to the followers of the Moon for she grew terrified of the night and was ignorant of the treasures of the nightingale or the regenerative gifts the night brings. She did not appreciate the purpose of the Moon in the scheme of things.

The followers of the Sun rejoiced and prospered in material means beyond their brethren and rebuked them for their chosen deity.

The Followers of the Moon travelled East and established treaties with smaller kingdoms who were sympathetic to their plight and in time joined them to swell their numbers to equal those of the followers of the Sun. The Followers of the Sun were incensed that they were not above their countrymen anymore and both sides began working toward the detriment of the other even more than before. It was a sad day when the spirits of their forefathers ceased from visiting the land, imparting their wisdom, trying to generate the wise ways of yore, even the Gods became invisible to the ignorant eyes of men who trained only to see what their allies from other lands could see.

Mother Nature was heartbroken, but this was her destiny, where could she go? Who could she turn to? Her pain could be felt in the springing up of deserts, and volcanoes, floods and earthquakes, the result of her wounds inflicted by a blindness spreading across her once fertile land.

One day, perhaps the saddest of all the followers of the Sun and the followers of the Moon began fighting with one another, causing pain and delighting in the suffering of the other. War began, flags arose the Saffron, the Green, Images of the Moon and of the Sun sprang up everywhere and in time could be seen drooping over flags in battlefields strewn over the dead bodies of millions. The sun shone his Divine light onto them at daybreak and the Moon shone her millions of silver beams onto the same dead at dusk. But alas neither could give life to anyone anymore..there was no life left to celebrate their light. The people destroyed one another with the aid of their friends from other lands. The allies upon seeing the once good people of this land all destroyed made their journeys back home, stripping the remaining bounty,spiritual and material, the final vestiges of glory which signified a once exceptional land and a once gifted people. In taking with them what was left, these people in turn became mighty in their own right and developed Empires enviable by their neighbours and glorious in their own right.

And yet, the very same Sun and the very same Moon shone their endless light onto all of them, without holding anything back.

The length and breadth of this once powerful, magical land became completely barren and gave in to the rising oceans and in time, sank beneath the water. It is said today, if you walk by the seashore anywhere, that if you become very still and try to listen, you could almost hear the joyous calls of the spirits of those people from beneath the ocean still celebrate and sing and dance loud enough for the Gods in their Heavens to hear.

And such is the way of Life, change..constant change..wheels within wheels..era upon era..one cycle giving rise to another..on and on..forevermore..

Good luck to India and Pakistan playing the World Cup 20/20 Final Cricket Match tomorrow.

May each side win and lose
with Dignity, Honour, Courage and Compassion.
May the people of India and Pakistan
welcome one another with open arms,
and love one another with open hearts.
May the One Land and the One People, which we are,
celebrate each other, our unique places in the world
with much pomp and great splendour
for all the Gods to hear forevermore!

The Reason

I know this is a pretty well known piece of writing, found in many different places, but it is quite apt for me at this point in my life..

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person..
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend and they are
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part
or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up
and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered
and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace
or simply to make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

Some people come into your LIFE
and remain with you for the entire ride,
through thick and thin,
through good times and challenging times.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon
in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person
and put what you have learned to use
in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life,
whether you were
a reason,
a season
or whether you are
a lifetime..

-unknown

The Riddle

One of my all time favourite songs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGS_xmr0A78

The Riddle

There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him,
Wait, what's the sense in life,
Come over me, come over me,

He said,Son, why you gotta sing that tune,
Catch a Dylan song,
Or some eclipse of the moon,
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see, you will see,

Then he said, here's a riddle for ya
Find the answer
There's a reason for the world,
You and I.

Picked up my kid from school today,
Did you learn anything
Cause in the world today,
You can't live in a castle far away,
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said,Dad, now I'm big,
But we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things,
Well, we're nothing at all,
Still every mother's child
Sings a lonely song,
So play with me, come play with me

And hey dad, Here's a riddle for ya,
Find the answer
There's a reason for the world,
You and I
I said,Son, for all I've told you,
When you get right down to
The reason for the world,
Who am I?

There are secrets
that We still have left to find,
There have been mysteries
From the beginning of time

There are answers
We're not wise enough to see
He said, you're looking for a clue,
I love you free

The batter swings,
And the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on While the moon is high over me
Something comes over me

I guess we're big, And I guess we're small
If you think about it, man
You know we got it all
Cause we're all we got
On this bouncing ball
And I love ya free,
I love ya free

Here's a riddle for ya
Find the answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I

-Five for Fighting

The Mermaid

It was a beautiful day, perfect in all its simplicity and grandeur. The morning sunlight simmered on the surface of the ocean, particles of golden light dancing as far as the eye can see. The calls of seagulls overhead adding to the light delightful hush of the waves ahead and all around, such beauty, such tranquillity.

Rowing away in my little boat, I went furtherer from the coast looking to find myself someplace solitary, just me, the ocean and a day of fishing. Getting away from home was the best ting I did in a long time. No streetcars outside my window or police car or ambulance sirens; some very real sights and sounds of nature, those I imagine gazing at the pictures on my bedroom wall.

A sailboat in the distance, glorious, majestic, being driven unknown places by the wind and I inevitably drift into fantasy of an another life as a seafarer, a wandering merchant or even a pirate from days of yore, in search of treasure, fame, fortune, the finest silks and precious stones from the Indies, the treasures of the Americas, the inventions from the Kingdoms of Europe and a beautiful woman at every port. Regress backwards a couple of lifetimes and maybe, just maybe, I could have been doing just that.

I was pulled out of my boyish imagination by the sounds of what appeared to be a horn of some sort. A horn, here in what appears to be the middle of nowhere. I looked around, no ships or trawlers in sight, calm water all around, the few fish which I had caught earlier were safely tucked away in the ice box next to me. The radio was off. Then suddenly it appeared again, the sound of a horn like a call to somewhere, something..

I hadn’t had any beer as yet, not that I would be hearing things if indeed I downed a few. The sound appeared to be emanating from beneath. I smiled to myself…get outta here, you’re imagining things…sounds from the ocean indeed, I smiled to myself. As is habit I laugh at myself when weird things occur, maybe this is my way of getting things back to normal or in some instances..preparing for the unexpected.

I leant over one side of the boat and looked below into the water. Nothing. I looked again on the other side, nothing again. I need a drink I thought to myself, it must be the afternoon sun. It wasn’t hot, just pleasantly warm with the sea breeze playing delightful games with my ears..must be that I thought. A few sips of my beer and then again more than ever that sound! This time however it appeared to be a shrill cry, like a voice. I put on my diving mask and popped under water for a quick look.

Ahead in the distance, I saw something sparkle, then movement and then more of the same sound, it was definitely a voice. Someone was in certainly distress. I climbed back into the boat and turned the motor on this time to get to the exact spot from where I saw this movement. Once there, I put on a small oxygen tank, diving mask and threw down the old fashioned anchor which is always the topic of dinner conversation with those who go fishing with me. Diving into the water, the voice appeared to be getting louder and more distressed. I went further below deeper, deeper, how long would this take I wondered, passing a shoal of small fish and then there before me a sight, I gasped!

A woman was stuck in what appeared to be a fishing net, I couldn’t make her features out but she had unbelievably long, dark hair and somewhat shiny skin which was odd considering the dim light from up overhead. I reached out and tried to calm her down but she appeared even more distressed with my appearance. I noticed to my utter amazement, she did not have an oxygen tank or any other form of breathing apparatus on her. Someone must have thrown her into the water here to drown her, poor thing. The fishnet material was quite thick and felt old and jagged as if it had been in the water for years. I reached out to her and tried to calm her and stop moving. This would make it somewhat easier to find a way out of this without getting further stuck in it. I signalled with my hands to be quiet that I would cut the rope with a scissor like motion, thankfully she seemed to understand and stopped moving as before.

I gently un-knotted the rope from around her hair, which was caught between the fibres of the rope, working similarly I managed to untangle her from the mesh she had caught herself in making sure not to get stuck in it myself. Oddly enough I found the rope sticky to the touch almost as if it had some form of glue on it.

The light was pretty dim and all I could make out was this woman’s outline. On several occasions I shared my mouthpiece with her so as to give her some air to breathe. She accepted it gratefully but returned it a little to early for my liking; doesn’t she need any air, I wondered to myself. Upon releasing her from the bundle, she let out a cry of relief almost a shrill murmur, the sound someone would make as they shiver on a cold day. I gently held her hand and helped her to the surface; I was beginning to feel somewhat dizzy myself, as my oxygen supply was very low, near critical now. As I got to the boat, the dizziness was getting to me and I tried climbing, gasping for air as I was. I saw this girl just below me and felt her hands as they pushed me upwards over the edge and into the safety of my boat.

I was exhausted and grateful to be breathing air again, the dizziness was fading away then immediately I looked around and saw no sign of her. I panicked and looked into the water again and I saw her swimming away from the boat towards the horizon. I called out to her to wait, come back. She seemed to sense my gaze turned around just in time to hear my calling out to her. Instead, to my utter surprise she turned towards me and waved a gentle goodbye and that same murmur of relief again and a soft ethereal laughter. The light shone on her golden naked body with glorious long black hair streaming down her neck and back. She had on her arms rings of precious stones, of various colours, which twinkled in the light. Her face was indescribably beautiful and that smile was bewitching…and waving what seemed to be goodbye in those precious few seconds I looked at her, she arched herself backwards into the water and revealed to my complete delight and amazement, her lower body not of a girl but that of a fish…the scales were silverish-blue and simmering like tiny mirrors up to the tailfin which was opaline in colour and smooth like a peacock feather.

Then with a glorious flourish, she dived into the water leaving me in my little boat enchanted, bewitched, besotted, in love with a beauty I may never see again…

The passing of a great voice

I have just read about the passing away of Luciano Pavarotti, one of Opera's all time greatest voices.

He was already respected as a powerful voice earlier on but he burst onto worldwide acclaim with his Nessun Dorma during the Soccer world cup of 1990. There isnt a single individual anywhere who would not have heard Luciano's powerful baritone pushing the world cup to another level with that melody.

Shortly thereafter who can forget the concert of the worlds most popular tenors - Luciano Pavarotti, Placido Domingo and Jose Carreras conducted by one of our own aapro Zubin Mehta?
There are many who have been inspired by music sung by Pavarotti and a whole new generation of new talent has sprung up onto centre stage thanks to him.

Farewell Luciano, thank you for the music, we will miss you.

Living Life Backwards

IF you want to live the next life backwards:

You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for college: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play,
and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then ...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-likeconditions -
central heating, room service on tap, and then ...
You finish off as an orgasm...
I rest my case.

-anonymous

All Or Nothing At All

All, or nothing at all,
Half a love, never appealed to me.
If your heart never could yield to me ,
Then I rather have nothing at all.

All, or nothing at all,
If it's love, there is no in between,
why begin then cry for
something that might have been.
No, I'd rather have nothing at all

Please don't bring your lips
close to my cheek.
Don't smile or I'll be lost,
Beyond recall.

The kiss in your eyes,
the touch of your hand makes me weak,
and my heart may grow dizzy and fall
And if I fell under the spell of your call,
I would be caught in the undertow.
So you see I've got to say no.
All or nothing at all
All or nothing at all

- Jack Lawrence & Arthur Altman
(1930)

Lost

All alone
here in this dark cavern, cold..wet..damp..
Love doesn’t beat in here today,
just a hollow shell.
In this heart, bereft of hope, bereft of joy,
only woe murmurs the voices in the air,
whistling through the caverns of what once was,
a heart of bounty, a heart of joy..

Not a soul in sight,
even the departed stay away this night,
among their own, in realms of dark,
in realms of light..
The Lord of solitude mocks from inside,
an enemy faceless without form,
laughs at my plight, this dark, foreboding night.

Was she real, as this cloak of shadow
or a passing wisp of foggy imagination
enveloping me?
Not sensing her presence or feeling her touch again
stings like a whip snapping a gash,
searing a welt borne of the hottest coals of Hades,
deep upon fabric of my being,
into the recesses of my soul.

Will she , wont she..come back..
The nightingale in the distance sings a mournful lullabye,
tearful, mindful of my plight,
amidst the chorus of wolves howling in the distance.
Their cry in unison heralds the darkest hour of an
eternal moment of regret,

Is this an eternity of regret
To have missed her pass into my domain
Or a moment of infinite fear
of having lost her forever?

Peace

I was sitting in a space of tranquility at home, a little earlier, reminiscing an old past time at University some years ago...sitting beside a gently flowing river on a warm summers afternoon..all would be peaceful..calm..the world I am in now is so far away from that place..that time..

Sitting beside this river I would listen to the soft hum of dragon flies buzzing by coupled with the rustling of leaves on trees around..in harmony with the flow of water..never ending, moving. on and on...peaceful...the almighty sun shining onto me its golden light infusing my being with its heat, its passion, its awsome power...

That is an aspect of Nature and I believe that we all are part and parcel of the entire flow of nature, its ebbing and fowing and subsiding on and on and on forever.

Have you ever experienced this peace.. perhaps you have walked your dog on a trail somewhere or went fishing or rock climbing...you can almost feel at one with it all and then along with it comes this satisfaction of not wanting..needing anything..as all you have ever wanted..needed is all around you, with you.. and then you notice this awesome silence all around you ..within you and a stillness inside you signalling a gentle contentment with your life.

Fast forward a couple of years later and I find myself living amidst the hustle and bustle of a booming metropolis throbbing with the vibrancy of millions of hopes and dreams of people and people and more people, of machines and towers so far up, they touch the sky..

If you're a city boy or girl whatever your age, have you ever paused to notice the constant chatter or people around you, the incessant noises of this century- doorbells, cellphones, engines, music, on and on... surely this is nature too, man-made though it may be...

Have you ever wondered how mother nature accommodates us no matter how much we try to re-create a machinistic, artificial environment borne of our own vision of what a perfect world should be? Mother gives and gives, she doesnt complain, but tirelessly gives no matter how much we take from her. Why she even sends forth little shrubs in any available garden path or sidewalk not covered by stone or concrete..wind between the crowded alleyways, rainwater to cool the heat of vehicle engines or to wash away the toxic fumes of exhaust...evidence of Her unconditional love of giving, right before us and all around us...

How can anyone say there is no love in this world?

It is said that the answer to many of life's problems lie in going back to the natural order of things, accepting nature becoming part of it, less chatter..less noise...simplicity..peace..

How often do we try and turn down the radio or tv constantly on for background noise, just to sit or lie in the quiet of that particular moment? Silence does tend to make one somewhat uncomfortable and that is because we have lost touch with what it sounds like. The sound of silence is not just a sound in my opinion but an overwhelming surge of getting back to our roots..a state of tranquility which soothes the harshest migranes, the deepest heartbreak, the lowest disappointment...it takes you to a place of familiarity...it is something you know of..or knew..a place you have visited before..but where..when...you cant quite place it..yet..

Try it dear reader as I have, it is truly beautiful, it is almost like replenishing, re-invigorating something inside. The Mind with its neverending thinking..planning...lost in all our yesterdays and tomorrows..it could do with a break sometime...quiet time..my time..your time...shhh
Its never easy the first time, but it is worth the efffort..

I love this story:

One day Sheikh Nasruddin and his three friends decided to spend 3 days in silence and meditation. All four gentlemen sat in a circle in Nasruddin's house silently meditating or reading or praying and the hours of the first day passed by and soon it was nightime..the room was dark and the silence was so thick, you could hear a pin drop. Suddenly one of the friends had an idea and decided it would be easier to be quiet if there was some light in the room. So looking around he spotted a servant passing by in the corridor and gently whispered :
" Hey boy light the evening lamps for us all."
The boy responded "Sir I cannot hear you speak up."
The man said it louder this time around and then said " I cannot talk so dont ask me to repeat my self!"
The second man looked with irritation at the first man and said "You stupid donkey, cant you stay quiet like me???"
The third man then said "Will you two buffoons be quiet, I took an oath of silence, cant you follow it like I do?"

Finaly Nasruddin raised his hands upwards and said" Oh praise be to me, you weak-minded nincompoops, I am the only one who can keep silent!"

Till next time, let's spread a lot of love and a whole lot of peace..

Asian

I found this on Facebook, absolutely hilarious!!!


You know your Asian when:

* When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened to the other two percent.
* There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.
* You make tea in a saucepan.
* You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.
* You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.
* You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home.
* Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years.
* You call an older person you've never met before "uncle".
* You hide everything from your parents.
* Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
* You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.
* Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
* Everyone is a family friend.
* Everyone always called you for help on homework.
* You study law, medicine or engineering at university.
* You were thick so you studied computer science or business instead.
* You know no one who has studied music.
* You went to a university as far away from home as possible.
* You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished.
* Your best friend got married at the age of 18.
* You like the meat well done.* You eat onions with everything.
* You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.
* You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
* You say you hate Indian films/songs but secretly watch/hear them
* You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.
* You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".
* You secure your baggage with a rope.
* You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.
* You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight.
* You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of the royal family.
* You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.
* Your Dad drives a Nissan.
* You're rich so he drives a Mercedes.
* You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go
* When you were little you always wondered why your English friends waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did it first thing in the morning
* To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid
* Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names
* You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku
* Your parents call all your friends "Beta" (son/daughter)
* Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds
* Your parents drink 3 cups of tea a day
* Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids.
* At least once a week your mom says, "I want to go to India/Pakistan"
* No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.
* Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor/ engineer.
* You're parent's always say while shopping abroad, "It's cheaper in India/Pakistan"

I believe

Vintage Stevie..

Shattered dreams, worthless years,
Here am I encased inside a hollow shell
Life began, then was done,
Now I stare into a cold and empty well

The many sounds that meet our ears
the sights our eyes behold,
Will open up our merging hearts,
And feed our empty souls

I believe when I fall in love with
you it will be forever,
I believe when I fall in love this
time it will be forever

Without despair we will share,
And the joys of caring will not be replaced,
What has been must never end
And with the strength we have won't be erased
When the truths of love are planted firm,
They won't be hard to find,
And the words of love I speak to you
will echo in my mind

I believe when I fall in love with
you it will be forever,
I believe when I fall in love this
time it will be forever

-Stevie Wonder

Laila

Laila and the Khalifa

The Khalifa said to Laila. "Art thou really she
for whom Majnun has lost his head and went distracted?
Thou art not fairer than many other fair ones."

She replied, "Be silent; thou art not Majnun!"
If thou had Majnun's eyes,
The two worlds would be within thy view.Thou art in thy senses, but Majnun is beside himself.
In Love, to be wide awake is treason.
The more a man is awake, the more he sleeps (to love)."

The Mathnawi - Rumi

This is so true.
To be lost in the throes of love without a care for what lies ahead, whether your next step meets Earth or mere space..

I believe it is our natural impulse to love this way, freely, with wild abandon, not with fear but with faith. Alas however, we stumble onto nothing at times and we fall...and fall and get into the habit of falling and lose our faith somewhere down the line. So many of us have lost someone we wanted, needed in our lives and no matter how many prayers we sent up there, the die was cast in all its finality. Hence we stop believing that there is indeed someone for us with just the right something to compliment and fulfill our lives, and we grow cold, defensive, cycnical.. we attract others with a similar disposition into our lives and the drama re-plays itself further hardening our hearts..sometimes we attract good, loving people but cannot reach into the fiery depths we know we hold inside us, is it fear or lack of faith which holds us back perhaps..

But as one who has loved and fallen and loved and fallen again I believe that if I am capable of accessing and sharing something so deep within my own being, something so profound within the seat of my own heart, surely a reservoir of love exists inside me which allows me to draw from its waters yet again..perhaps the only obstacle holding me back is my own fear...could this ring true for you too or perhaps someone you know, dear reader?

Ancient fables like that of Laila and Majnu tell us of undying love, love which broke through all kind of barriers, tearing through the fabric of entire worlds..why even the Gods of yore have had to concede defeat.

Those people were no different from you or me, it may be that they had a little more faith in a higher power which would allow their dreams to come true..or it may be that they were a less cynical people living in a simpler world than we do now..

Maybe they were asleep to the world and awake to the source of love inside themselves as Rumi puts it and hence able to share it with a Divine compliment who could reciprocate in kind.

Like attracts like..

My Spiritual Teacher once told me that a painting composed of bright imaginatve vivid colours attracts instantly, dazzling all in its brilliance but a painting with subtler colours, painted with greater imagination, created with greater emotion attracts viewing again and again and again...that's how Love should be..for God..for another..for oneself...for the mystery never ceases and the discoveries are endless.

A dear friend of mine once shared a very profound fact of nature-

Love builds bridges across lifetimes.

It matters not the kind or the manner in which the love is conveyed or shared, it just IS and that is what heals all wounds,,a soothing balm for every trouble lodged within your soul..

With such depth of power hidden within the cave of our hearts, need we fear stumbling again? Stumbling onto the ground in a heap may hurt for a little while but as before we can get up, dust ourselves off reach into the cave again, replenishing ourselves with love for ourselves, for the world, with faith in ourselves, in the world and walk on with that proverbial song in our hearts and a wish on our lips...that's love too.

May we always love
May we always realise we are loved
May we always remain in the state of love

Kiss The Rain

Hello, can you hear me
Am I getting through to you
Hello, is it late there
There's a laughter on the line
Are you sure you're there alone'

Cause I'm, trying to explain
Something is wrong
You just don't sound the same

Why don't you, why don't you
Go outside, go outside

Kiss the rain,
whenever you need me
Kiss the rain, whenever I'm gone, too long
If your lips, feel lonely and thirsty
Kiss the rain, and wait for the dawn
Keep in mind, we're under the same sky
And the nights, as empty for me, as for you
If you feel, you can't wait till morning
Kiss the rain, kiss the rain, kiss the rain

Hello, do you miss me
I hear you say you do
But not the way I'm missing you
What's new, how's the weather
Is it stormy where you are
'Cause I'm so close but it feels like you're so far
Oh would it mean anything, if you knew
What I'm left imagining
In my mind, in my mind
Would you go, would you go
Kiss the rain

And you'd fall over me
Think of me, think of me,
think of me, only me
Kiss the rain

Whenever you need me, kiss the rain
Whenever I'm gone too long, if your lips
Feel lonely and thirsty, kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn
Keep in mind, we're under the same skies
And the nights, as empty for me, as for you
If you feel, you can't wait 'till morning
Kiss the rain, kiss the rain, kiss the rain

-Billy Myers

The UFO!

I was hard at work at my desk in the office one afternoon earlier this week, the sunshine was a welcome respite from previous day's endless shower.

Drafting a defendant's defence statement is all well and good but when you know its a losing battle from the beginning you do wonder about the purpose of it all. My client was guilty, I could sense it in his voice and his attempts to cover it did not get past me during my earlier visit to speak with him in the nearby prison. However it's a job and someone has to do it. My ageing Ethics Professor used to remind me "Mr. Cassad, Justice must not only be done, it must be seen to be done, never forget that!"

Well sighing wistfully I looked outside and the light caught my eyes, I winced. Doing so, something caught my eye. Circular with a dome top and a transparent circular base. I am a self-confessed Trekkie and a Sci Fi Buff but this was just after lunch hour on a Tuesday afternoon!

Was it something I ate or was I staring at a Fying Saucer in the sky?

Instinctively I whipped out my mobile phone camera and snapped at a circular object in the sky. Was it..could it be what I thought it was..A UFO?

Would this be adequate fodder for Mulder to convince Scully of the Truth that is "out there."

I know they say that the eyes can deceive you but the camera cannot lie..or can it???

I met Hercule Poirot

I met Hercule Poirot yesterday..or rather the man who has played him to perfection for well over the past decade and a half -the one and only David Suchet.

Mr. Suchet is currently performing at the Theatre Royal Haymarket in 'The Last Confession' which revolves around the power struggle and politics in the Vatican during the short reign of Pope John Paul. The play in itself is definitely one of the best in the West End for quite some time now. The cast boasts of some very experienced thespians and revolve perfectly around David Suchet's Cardinal Benelli. If you ever have a chance to watch the show, dont hesitate to do so. It will stay with you a long time and you may even spot me somewhere in the audience catching it for the second time perhaps.

I met David Suchet backstage. His deep baritone voice is a far cry from the soft gentle tone of Poirot's accent Belgique. He told me to expect a couple of new episodes of Poirot coming up which account for the remaining stories on the Belgian detective written by Agatha Christie.

It was a bit of an awe struck moment to shake hands with one of your favourite characters especially having grown up watching the show. I found him to be very congenial and friendly.

David Suchet, thank you for the years of entertainment you have given us and I hope to see you enthrall us with many more moments of your pure acting genius and amazing screen/stage presence. Undoubtedly the best of his generation and one of the all time greats!

Till next time, a star-struck fan

Glimpse of Heaven

Living in the heart of a great big city, noises, all around you. Open your window and you hear the sounds of sirens, people, the incessant chatter of the world running towards something, for something, the rat race neverending, constant... Someone is running to catch a bus, another is running away from home, yet another is running to get home from the rain and another is braving the storm to get to work. Movement, arising and subsiding….how this world thrives on constant motion…

My window faces a busy street, a glimpse onto the mechanism of a great metropolis. Motion, fluid and irrepressible, day and night, not everybody’s cup of tea I imagine, but there is a reason and a season for everything is there not?

But wait a moment….pray what is this?
Silvery light coming into my little home….
Ahh if you were here beside me dear reader, you would see what I see, feel what I feel when I say that this radiance dazzles my eyes in the subtlest manner possible, imbuing my senses with a tranquillity unknown before. Suddenly everything is getting quieter and quieter….shhhhh don’t make a move, my friend.. it is getting quiet...be still…..

The magic of the full moon pierces veil after veil, through the darkest of nights and brings a sense of calm into the busiest of these London streets…
And here I am sitting before my little altar, bathed in pure light, millions of magical moonbeams shining onto me, through me, into the very fabric of the deepest recesses of my soul..bringing the joy of the heavens themselves…I do not know if there is a heaven and if so if there is one or many, but I do know one thing dear reader, if there is more than one heaven, one of them is here..me in the image of my Lord, bathed in the Lord’s light!.

The Canvas of my Heart! - A Tribute

I would like to thank the creator of my existence for the close friends who walk with me through the canvas of my life, companions who have held hands with me in the truest sense.

These soulmates who come into your life to support you, guide you, comfort you and accept you as you are...such folk are indeed priceless and rare. They dont just understand you, they know you, often in moments when you do not seem to know yourself. And how blessed you are to know them too. More often than not, you do not find yourself surprised as you get to know them, it is almost like you already know them from a time, a place before.

Sometimes we have to embark on journeys by ourselves, go through periods or phases of time on our own, face situations where we seemingly feel all alone, yet it seems that God sends us the right people at the right time, to give that helping hand be it in the form of a hug or a pat on the back, a listening ear or a word of heartfelt advice when we need it.

These are people who have cried with you, laughed with you ( or laughed at you..heheh), watched you lose the loves of your life and pushed you above them, before them to grasp stars seemingly beyond your reach.Some of them grew up with you, through all those vulnerable and weak moments we all go through.. yet never losing respect for you, but only loving you even more, for being the person you are, warts and all. Others come across you along the way. They acquire a healthy curiosity about you, about what makes you tick and whether you seem different or not; they find common ground with you and blend into your world and you into theirs.

Truly such folk can only belong to the same branch of the tree as you do, for how else could they know you and love you unlike everybody else?

Sometimes you want to keep them with you, around you always, a comforting, a familar clique always around and by your side, an insurance policy against the vagaries and vissitudes of life. But life takes them on their own paths to different places and situations. You have to let them go, to do their own thing, grow in their own ways. The bonds however remain and no matter where they are and no matter how far, the ties of the heart never fade. Some move on and away from the stream of your life to meet challenges and make discoveries of their own without you and hard as it may be, you have to let them go even if it means seemingly forever. But then you ask yourself, what is forever exactly? Do physical boundaries really separate us from each other? But you love them all the same, you send them your prayers, your love, your energy of goodwill, your Grace to live their lives to the highest and the fullest...and there are always moments when you chuckle to yourself of times gone by. Thank you for the memories you always will be on this canvas..

With your nearest and dearest, you find yourself wanting to give of yourself, you want to express your appreciation of their presence, their essence, you want to communicate to them how much they mean to you. Their happiness is your happiness, ahh how it warms your heart to do something for them, to give, even the slightest nonsensical thing, it means ever so much.

You guys know who you are, you can be counted on the fingers of my hands but oh how priceless and dear you are in everyway, not for having done anything, but just for being you. All those who have touched the canvas of my life and disappeared into the fading hue of another colour, another experience, thank you for having come into my life albeit for a few glorious moments, you are loved just as much, wherever you are, my prayers and my love are with you.

Thank you for being there, oh friend, oh lover, oh brethren, oh companion in soul... I am and will be around for you too in one form or another..always!

Journey on

Its good to be back into the world of words again. I have been away lately, involved in a number of things requiring a great deal of my time and attention and so a visit to this space had to be postponed, until now.

I have much to share and much to learn with you, this journey goes on...

Journey on oh companion
for the road ahead promises more
if you feel lost in need of reunion
look ahead for you are set to soar.

If the world about you
bewitches with all its beauty and drama
fear not the shade, colour and hue
for your world reflects your beauty oh descendent of Ra.

If what you seek leads you back,
to the warm sands of your birth, your home,
accept the choices which set you on this track
for peace with your past , your choices,
will open your arms to the impossible, the dreams of a fool.

Fear not oh seeker, the best is yet to come..
the road merely takes a turn,
be the fool of the pack, be free,
for a song in your heart, a smile on your lips,
beautifies this adventure,
but do take that falling feather
from the Angelic realm
another in your hat, ahh the melody,,ahh the calm!

There is a River

There is a river
flowing through my soul
uniting me to you;
a vision of a yesterday gone by
floods the sheen of my mind's eye..for a moment ,
we meet again, I knew you then,
I know you now.

Were we ever apart?
What distance measured innumerable in years
pushed our re-union far, far in distance, in time,
but lo, we are before each other once again
laugh heartily my friend, for time lies
a fallen foe before us this day.

There is a river flowing through my mind
flooding my fears, my want for time;
There is much I wish to accomplish
in this life, here of mine,
in this world;
many eyes look back at me,
like stars on a clear night,
such a multitude of beauty,
the people of this world can be ;
there are millions of tears to wipe away
and countless smiles to paint on visages cold and hurting.
But what of time?

Will you join me my friend,
down this river flowing through our lives?
mother nature is hurt with our past,
will you heed the Her call,
the bugle-call of your destiny?
This Earth calls out to you and me,
to heal, to soothe the balm of love
over the troubled waters of her existence.

For those yet to come, we owe a debt -
air, water, fire, ether.
We are of the elements
and they of us;
Should we give back what we have taken,
your child and mine may yet stand,
a gifted moment in time,
free of anxiety for a better tomorrow.

There is a river flowing through our lives
merging us with the furtherest reaches of this universe.
we are here, we are there,
we were yesterday, we will be tomorrow.
pray where are we not?

But our moment lies here,
in this time, this place.
Your fears merit the contemplation of stars,
for time marches ahead,
measuring our remaining days with unseen glee;
Are two pairs of hands enough to save the world?

There is a river flowing through this world
rising and receding,
love, anger, hate, fear, joy, compassion and love again,
a cycle revolving in a cycle, a vision within a dream,
does this end have a beginning,
will the river join into the sea?

Oh companion born in faith,
fruit of the same branch,
a healer is born, once bathed
in the watery light of those already healed.
They walk among us, unknown, unrecognised,
an angels' feather here, a beaming halo there.
This world of seeming suffering, of endless sorrow,
grows divine with the vision of the light within.

Dive into the seas of forgiveness,
the valleys of loving acceptance
no more us, no more them.
Drink from the spring of compassion,
immerse yourself in the nectar of pure love
found within the deepest recesses of your own Self.
For only in wielding the light within,
can you outshine the darkness of ignorance,
as far as the eye can see.
Your own heaven or your own hell,
here and now.

We are not alone,
it has been so, it is so and it will be so,
this river flows through me, through you
into the world above and below.
There is purpose in this world.
this tide,
this ebb,
this flow
this river flows,
this river flows...

The Flames of Love

I was warned about the flames of love...
This love is merciless; it ravages your heart.
From its heat you become wild and mad.
So mysterious is its energy that when it seizes you,
You become impassioned and run about frenzied.
People sense in you the sparks of love,
But they cannot see the raging fire within.
This love is tantalizing. It wholly possesses you;
It does not fill your heart and mind alone.
How it courses through every cell of your being!
It is brighter than lightning;
It is more deafening than thunder;
It pours over you more intensely than a cloudburst.
You can fantasize endlessly about love.
But remember: you can never bend it to your will.
It is independent, very free, very free.
Having known all its intricacies and madness,
I still dived into the flames of love.
I cannot say what has happened to me,
except
I am not the same,
I am not the same,
I am not the same.

From Page 4, Ashes at My Guru's Feet by Gurumayi Chidvilasananda

My own beloved meditation master Gurumayi has put into words, Her experience of Divine Love. It inspires me, it evokes awe and yearning within me. I have to share it with you all. May you feel the pulsation of your soul, dear reader.

This is the state spoken of and written about from time immemorial by the mystics and sages of various traditions, who spent their lives searching for the experience of God. These age-old researchers of the Divine state have time and again confirmed that the ultimate state of the Divine is a state of supreme love, a level of bliss which can electrify and intoxicate the body, the mind and all the inner states so highly that one transforms and remains fixed in that higher vibration. One carries on with one's life and duties and relationships as usual but exists from an optimal place where a person is in conscious union with the entire universe - a true superbeing would'nt you think?.

The wise ones have also said that beyond the shadow of a doubt, this state exists within us all.

In a way everything we do consciously or subconsciously, we do to reach that state of unadulterated, pure love. It is the root of all our desires, our wants, our needs, our longing. Nevertheless, those who have achieved this state have constantly maintained that the source has to be found within. No matter how much one may seek outside one'self, one will only meet exhaustion. The Self is said to be closer to you than you know, closer than your own breath..

We may not know it as yet, but we are getting closer to it with every uplifting action we undertake. To make a positive difference, to bring joy to others, to forgive..all these are signs of an open heart. If someone is addicted to something which then allows that person, a momentary state of bliss, it is still the soul crying out to reach that perfect state of bliss, of love, the state of the Self. However addictions will only serve to wear out the physical body, the mind, the emotions and in doing so the means to achieve that state of love is diminished. You need to keep your body healthy, as far as possible. We cannot abandon the world either, we have to embrace it, add to it in the way we live our lives.

We all want to be loved unconditionally and selflessly but are we able to love with that fervour as well? To do so would mean to overcome our fears, past memories of hurt, of suffering and most importantly to build the courage to love ourselves. I believe that only in being able to love ourselves, are we able to love others - a well can only offer the water it has contained in itself.

Whether it is our professions or our relationships or whatever else we may be involved with in our lives, eventually the purpose is love for others and for ourselves. At the dense physical and emotional levels, it is a mundane love, limited and conditional, a pale reflection of the higher state. Still we remain content with the watered down version because quite often, that itself is pretty overwhelming to us all. However those who seek for God or that ultimate state of divine love and would not get lost in the outer boundaries when the goal of all love lies in the source of all things, the Self.

It is said and I believe that without the experience of the Divine, a discussion is pointless. Once you experience the slightest glimpse, you change forever, there is no doubt about it. Unless one has the firm desire to seek for something above and beyond what his perceptions or self-made boundaries have allowed him thus far, Divine love is a mere figure of speech.

May we find the goal of all our desires,
may we find contentment in our lives,
may we offer the world the highest within us,
may we realise Love, may we realise God,
within ourselves and within each other.

The Call

This is a tribute to all those who search for their twin-self..

O fair maiden,
pardon this seeker’s yearning;
in search of his beloved.
Tis’ merely the call of his throbbing heart,
to share what brims over its edges.
Pay heed, for he calls in return
to the name your voice whispers in the dark.

Heed his call-
oh traveller, crossing the bridge to his heart,
do reminiscences of lifetimes of yore,
do the tears of joy, of sorrow, of love, of loss,
still stand resilient on shores of your memory
long washed by the waters of time?

The intensity of his longing,
the pain of separation from this other half,
eons old, no older; he remembers, he forgets,
he remembers again, yet to forget once more..

Remember what, remember what,
Remember whom, remember when,
he beseeches the murmuring shadow;
Pray who tugs the fibres of my soul,
in lightest light of full moons so bright.
Who stirs me from my nocturnal slumber ever deep?
Who art thou, one I have never known
Yet why do I know you from some forgotten place forlorn?
How can this be, who are you? Where are you? He seeks.

Ah but how can he ignore the beat of your own heart,
oh lover in spirit,
when it’s call overwhelms him;
How can he ignore the magnetic pull of your own soul,
when the goal of his longing rests in the warmth of your bosom?
how can he ignore the bugle calls of your own yearning,
to face his deepest fears and to seek you?
How can he love another with such depth again,
and shatter the armour regimented with sands of time?
ah how his ego dies each day…

“I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, in numberless times,
in life after life, forever” said Tagore.
May such memory only surface when deep longing is reciprocated,
for the pain of unrequited love is far too much to bear.
He found one, to whom the floodgates of his soul split open,
infinite streams of his love tore apart those barriers
self-imposed in fear, built in pain, encrusted in the ego of self-protection.

Yet this pain makes him smile, for it bears gifts unseen.
What manner of madness is this? You may ask.
But the pain of separation brings forth past moments of similar pain.
Oh how wrenching that separation of the soul,
one became two and the two pushed far, oh so far apart.
so long ago, a different time, a different place.
Her call is clearer now
He thought he found her but her soul lies elsewhere, another form.
He seeks her again, evermore.

The hearth still cold, he stokes the buring coals of his heart,
it's sparks travel across the universe
to the furtherest shores of creation, to her. She feels it. She knows.
He is content for her knowing fills him whole
His heart opens now.
And though he searches
for a reflection of his love, the one without a second,
He rejoices as he swims in the waters of hope and faith again,
towards her, naked and light
under the silverish glow
of that beloved moonlit night.
He is whole, he is with her,
he is free in eternal delight.

The Gift

You've no idea how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You.
Nothing seemed right.
What's the point of bringing gold to the gold mine,
or water to the Ocean.
Everything I came up with
was like taking spices to the Orient.
It's no good giving my heart and my soul
because you already have these.
So- I've brought you a mirror.
Look at yourself and remember me.
- Jalaluddin Rumi

This is pure perfection put into words, pray what can I possibly comment and how can I do so without tainting the purity of such verse, this Gift?
Oh Rumi, old friend of distant era,
my homage lies in silence...

The Cobra

This is a story I have heard many a time from my own teacher, only to re-discover it, in light of a recent life experience. It has offered a fresh and new meaning to me. I would like to share it with you all. Your emails and messages are very encouraging and I would like to thank you for them all. Yes I will keep writing and I promise to do so more often:)

Once upon a time there lived a cobra inside a hole beside a tree. The tree was close to a village and whenever the locals used to pass by, the snake used to attack and bite them all. Needless to say they were all very scared to go near the tree and generally avoided that route because of the wicked snake.

Now one day, a holy man named Hafiz was passing by the tree and being new to these parts, he decided to rest under it. So he put his little knapsack down and settled down for a nice nap. The snake slithered out of his hole in the ground and was surprised to see the man there.

In great anger he slid over and was about to bite him when Hafiz instantly awoke and asked him - "Brother snake why do you wish to bite me? Didi I hurt you in any way?"
The snake was confused and replied "er no," then went on to say "but you're sitting under my tree and I'm going to bite you because of that. I do not like sharing my space."

Hafiz laughed at the snake and then asked him "Eventually my brother, we are all going to leave this place, will this tree go along with you?"
The snake was astonished at the holy man's fearlessness and asked him-"Are you not afraid of me? I am going to kill you in a moment."Hafiz replied " Death comes to us all, anyday, any time, you do not scare me."
The snake felt some remorse. For the first time as far as he could remember, he stopped, he did not bite..

He then told the man" Sir I only bite the people who pass by because of fear. If I dont hurt them first, they will hurt or kill me, so to prevent that, I bite them all so that I can be safe."

The Holy man talked of compassion, of kindness, of love to the snake and the snake resolved never to bite anyone ever again. In a while Hafiz walked away on his own mystic journey.The snake looked back at the village and the people in the distance, little children, running, playing happily and tears welled up in hs eyes. He felt love and compassion for the first time in his life. He resolved again never to hurt another soul, no matter what.

One year later Hafiz passed by the same tree again and was absolutely shocked to see the snake lying pityfully, ragged like a broken tattered rope near his hole in the ground. He tended to the snake and healed him in time, giving him medicenes and water and food. When he was able to speak, the snake cried in the old mans arms saying "Holy sir, I did what you asked of me and see what became of me as a result. I loved these people I never harmed or bit anybody and they lost their fear of me. They then started to do whatever they felt like. They threw stones at me, burnt my home in the ground and the children even used me for a skipping rope. Why sir? Is this what happens to the compassionate?"

The Holy man paused in thought for a moment and smiled at the snake. He told him"My brother, I asked you not to hurt anyone,that is correct, but I did not ask you to allow others to hurt you or do wrong to you. Compassion is strength not a weakness where you allow others to walk all over you. To allow something wrong to occur is a weakness and promotes that wrong-doing. I told you not to bite, however, I did not tell you not to hiss."

The snake understood and from then on got back to normalcy in his life. He never bit anyone again but he began hissing at passers by. Eventually people tread carefully when passing by. Children did not attempt to hurt the snake and he acquired a respect he never knew before. He learnt the meaning of true compassionthat it is a source of strength and an expression of love. He lived the rest of his life in peace.


We have all been like that snake some time in our lives have'nt we? Going to extremes, bite or be bitten and later on in remorse, we allow other mouths to bite us back. Until we learn the meaning of balance, we keep swaying with our swords and shields, attacking and defending, to and fro, back and forth and the drama never ends. But balance compassion as your strength and then you have something unique flowering in the cave of your heart.

I was embroiled in a situation recently where I was far too passive with someone I knew and cared about very much. Unfortunately there was a lot of negativity coming at me and I did not allow this person the opportunity to know that this was wrong and destructive to the both of us. As a result this person lost all respect for me. It was wrong on my part, I should have stood up for myself and spoken when I had to. I should have drawn the line about what was acceptable when it was needed. true compassion would have compelled me to point out an error in judgement and save this person much guilt in the future. I held back because of fear of loss of the relationship and herein lay my mistake. But I learnt the lesson this relationship had to offer.

I believe that love or compassion should not be allowed to disguise once's weaknesses. If you allow pain and suffering to others and what we never care to acknowledge - ourselves, then it cannot be true love or compassion. This form of compassion or love is tainted with fear-a fear of loss or a fear of not having one's desires fulfilled. As long as fear exists, how can love be pure? True love and true compassion will enrich our own awareness and that of those around us; They give rise to courage - to act when necessary and thereby allow any negativity if present, to come to an end in time.

May we have faith in ourselves and in everything we set out to do.

There is the fear that we shan't prove worthy in the eyes of someone who knows us at least as well as we know ourselves. That is the fear of God. And there is the fear of Man- fear that men won't understand us and we shall be cut off from them. --Robert Frost

If you don't love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others. (Dalai Lama)

Dawn

Dawn

Sunlight penetrates through vapours of green tea swirling before me.

Could this day be the beginning of the rest of my life?

The sky deepest blue, mysterious, ever-present,

spread flat as far as my eyes can see.

Possibilities lie ahead,

A multitude of chances, how many by chance?

Which way will I turn, what choices will I make?

Who will I meet? Whose life will I touch today?

Will an Angel pass me by?

Through the night have I awaited

this moment, this morn, this day.

Rain? Snow?

will the heat of the sun melt

all cold of the night before,

even that inherent in my own shadow?

So many questions,

I can wait no more

Oh, I must venture forth

The future must be met,

ready world, here I come!

Void

To the Mermaid who swam away..

Another day gone by,
night creeps into my world again.
This space you left behind,
What emptiness, the nature of this void!
So much left unsaid, incomplete,
torn apart, twisted away, pulled out.

Could you be reflecting,
on those distant shores
at other side of the world,
under the very same gaze ,
of the setting sun?

Or are you warm in the arms of another,
forgetful of the bond we created,
the ties you left behind.
This wound is painless to escape
in the arms of another.
But here and now,
fate forces me to exorcise
the shadows of your memories
with courage I must find within.

Why does your laugh echo within the hollow hallways of my ears?
And why does your smile haunt my sight whichever direction I turn?
Is this what they call obsession?
Am I mad, or am I embedded in attachment,
lost in an illusion which never was?
Maybe you never were,
maybe you do not exist
Except in the imaginary worlds
I wander into from time to time.

This void, such emptiness,
like thick syrup flowing over me
encompassing, suffocating.
How do I escape
from this prison reeking of loss
within my heart, my soul?
Are the Gods so cruel
to turn the real into the unreal?
Are they merely at play with us,
toy puppets with fragile hearts?

This puppet has let you go
but its heartstrings are yet tied to you.
Uncut, holding strong.
Why and to what I do not know.
For true you never were..

This void, how may it be full again?
The oceans have taken all the waters,
their shores have all thats sand.
the skies possess the air, the ethers
and the sun keeps all light within its palm.
What then fills a heart with love
but another heart itself.

Is love real or imaginary?
Yours appeared real for a moment,
like the reality of a fading dream,
like a cloud merging into the sky.

Am I holding onto a lost dream
snatched away as day is stolen
by the closeted darkness of night?
or do I simple yearn for you,
a reflection of myself,
as a tree misses a fallen branch?

Intoxicating Madness

The intellectual is always showing off,
the lover is always getting lost.
The intellectual runs away, afraid ofdrowning;
the whole business of love is to drown in the sea.
Intellectuals plan their repose;
lovers are ashamed to rest.
The lover is always alone,
even surrounded by people;
like waterand oil, he remains apart.
The man who goes to the trouble of giving advice
to a lover get nothing. He's mocked by passion.
Love is like musk. It attracts attention.
Love is a tree and the lovers are its shade.
-Rumi

Ah to drown in the waters of that sea, to lose yourself walking on ever-winding roads into unknown places, to surrender to the impulses generated by your own throbbing heart brimming over with the deepest oflove...
then the world becomes a cascade of colour, all music seems tomatch the rhythm of your soul,neither do your feet touch the ground nor do you feel apart from the oneyou love. Should you rejoice in the love you give, you receive, you share..the state of rapture is priceless.Even the heart-wrenching pain of unrequited love is beyond compare.What other pain can intoxicate so? Yes Rumi, beloved friend, teacher from another realm,another time, no advice and no medicine can heal what ails one who exists in this state. No fear however powerful, can prevent a lover from reaching this place. A true lover only wants is to give of himself,more and more and still more. Take of me what you will, for I am endless, the source of love within myself is limitless -that is what real love makes you realise. If this is madness, let it never end. May this mad, intoxication envelope the entire universe. Let not a single heart remain dry. May Human love however limited, become Divine and endless in expression. May the whole creation pulsate with this love.

All that you have is your soul

Oh my mama told me'
Cause she say she learned the hard way
Say she wanna spare the children
She say don't give or sell your soul away
'Cause all that you have is your soul

Don't be tempted by the shiny apple
Don't you eat of a bitter fruit
Hunger only for a taste of justice
Hunger only for a world of truth

Thought I'd made something that could be mine forever
Found out the hard way one can't possess another
And all that you have is your soul

I thought thought that I could find a way
To beat the system
To make a deal and have no debts to pay
I'd take it all take it all I'd run awayMe for myself first class and first rate
But all that you have is your soul

Here I am waiting for a better day
A second chance
A little luck to come my way
A hope to dream a hope that I can sleep again
And wake in the world with a clear conscience and clean hands
'Cause all that you have is your soul
-Tracy Chapman (excerpts from All that you have is your soul)

This is so true isn’t it? All that you really have is your soul. How often we try to take short cuts in our lives, a quicker way through no matter what the cost or how often do we walk over someone else's dreams, or break a heart or two along the way just so that we can get what we want.

We may blank these things from our minds, justify our actions and believe that we really are holier-than-thou, but in the end, all we have to face is our own conscience. I liken the conscience to a mirror, which we have to constantly face, day in and day out. I'm sure you know what I mean when I say that Conscience can a bitter mirror to face.

So it's best we try as best we can to keep it clean. You may not win any popularity contests or any fans along the way, but better that, than a sleepless night or a dive into a bottle just to forget.

All that you have is your soul..we do come into this world with our own soul, our very own imprint of our mannerisms, thoughts, relationship patterns, life dramas, it is like our own script and we keep re-inventing that script day-in, day-out. Eventually we leave with the same soul with an altered imprint only to go to the next place be it here or elsewhere. It is said that ultimately we are all moving to a clearer slate no matter what we may be doing. Surely that is promising!

So yeah, I believe a little self-enquiry and discrimination on the constructive or destructive thing to do in any given situation will help a long way.

The Leprechaun

Do you remember that evening?

The endless monsoon shower just died down to a occasional sprinkling of miscellaneous droplets..heavenly tears onto and around us. Do you remember the quiet? That freshness, the earth beneath our bare feet, fields of emerald for miles all around. The hills surrounding us stood majestically, triumphant in their eternal poise.

You just sat there, silent gazing into the distance, breeze ruffling your hair. Me by your side, lost in the green, lost in the moment. .

Up ahead in the horizon, the skies cleared to reveal a sliver of golden light setting in the west. The sliver shone a rainbow nearby, those colours, you smiled and held my hand in childish delight. Are you thinking what I am thinking? but those are mere fairytales..aren't they?
We ran hand in hand, wild abandon to that elusive spot where rainbows end and rainbows commence..or do they never end..maybe they just go on into the ground to light up the world below?..After all everybody deserves a rainbow..some colour in a world of too much black and white.

Remember that mysterious tree we stopped at? It had a few branches, leaves, fruits, birds-nests all bathed in colour. Every colour imaginable on its branches various hues, shades emphasised in the twilight. I pulled you to me, your arms around my neck, my lips on yours, raindrops through the rustling leaves onto us as we kissed an eternity, are we still there?

Footsteps mild, soft almost nonchalant but we hear them...I turn around mesmerized, your eyes follow mine...the smallest creature imaginable, almost invisible yet perceptible. Holding a small magenta pot with a sweet knowing smile under his whiskers..walking towards the rainbow..we followed him so softly.. remember...as he ambled those last few paces to the field of colour..he sang to the colour in a tongue ancient and a song in itself.The colours trembled at his tiny voice as if it was thunder itself.He turned to face us, knowing all along where we were,who we were..impishly he put his finger on his lips implying a shush...shh..and a smile as he disappeared into the fading rainbow...

Was that a choir in the distance? Fluttering of wings perhaps? Then a mild bugle call...

We walked back to our cottage as the dark shadows of dusk finally took root all around us. That night, as the full moon fought it's moonbeams through thick clouds to us, lovers together, entwined within each others arms..you felt a gold coin appear in the palm of your hand..

Do you remember how beautiful that coin was? It sparkled in the dark and in the soft moonlight, all the colours of the rainbow reflected at us, it was a gift..I could have sworn I heard that familar pitter-patter of small feet in the distance and that sweet voice singing like a nightingale.

He is still here, watching over us.. his secret is safe with us..always.

Letting Go

Is it not often we find ourselves holding onto the things we do not need and let go of something which has the potential to nourish or nurture us because the latter is a bitter experience to face. We forget or willingly fail to see the long- term benefits at times in favour of immediate gratification of some sort. My experience is that this arises from a latent fear thereby promoting a sense of lassitude or perhaps a preferred sense of ignorance which helps push the matter at hand into the background..well until the next time the same issue crops up. By the same token, experience has also shown me that swallowing a bitter pill in the beginning saves many a hardship later on. Sometimes taking this step is forced upon you and at others you take that step summoning up the requisite degree of courage for the task at hand.

Letting go of something or someone unsavory or even a relationship especially if it or the person(s) is unhealthy for our overall development or well-being is not an easy task for most of us. Whatever be the reason for holding on, we have established some degree of a comfort level and letting go creates an imbalance, which can be unpleasant, coupled with, dare I say it-a sense of relief.

Take a common habit like smoking for instance. It is a personal choice for you to smoke and you should exercise your right to do so, if that is your inclination. The pack displays a statutory warning that smoking will injure your health/damage your lungs, etc etc. Yet a smoker would go ahead with it for the relaxed state or the 'high' it provides especially at the first hints of stress or just for the feel-good factor. Nevertheless What I find fascinating is the fact that a smoker would read the statutory warning just about every time (s)he opens the pack, what effect does this have on the mind or the subtle levels below the everyday thoughts floating to keep the mind occupied?

We all have an in-built mechanism of self-preservation whereby we avoid something fatal such as standing before a speeding train or jumping off a building so as not to bring our lives to an abrupt end. However if we make it a habit to stand on the open highway or on a rail track on a regular basis we are aware of the risk of being run over by something very fast, large and death is a certainty in any event. By undertaking a hazardous activity we are consciously fighting our natural inclination for self-preservation. One may argue that death/disease comes to us all and it can occur at any time so why bother with restricting ones self in what one does. There are other risks we take on a day-to-day basis which are much more life threatening or harmful and which can contribute to us negatively. While this may be true, I would like to ask that by undertaking a hazardous activity are we not increasing the risk of bringing an untimely end to our lives even where perhaps the degree of that risk was not high to begin with? Every time we smoke or consume a harmful drug, what messages are we sending to ourselves, our bodies or for that matter to the universe at large?

Isn’t the message something like this-"I am aware of the harmful and disintegrating nature of what I am doing to my body, to myself but I do not really mind the early onset of my death, in fact I am doing what I can in preponing my departure from this world and deriving whatever form of pleasure, in any way I can."

The message may also go like this- "I know this is harmful to me and where applicable, harmful to those around me but the 'high' I obtain from it is worth the suffering I or other may have to face later. My immediate satisfaction is my sole concern for now. I do not really have any concern for my well-being or the well-being of others."

Another message may go like this - " I don’t mind shortening my lifespan or consciously increasing the risk of an early death because I do not feel I have anything significant to contribute anyway. There is nothing special about me and I don’t like who or what I am. The world isn’t such a great place and the only way to deal with it is to escape through a particular practice even though it is slowly destroying me from within."

It is interesting to note that in ancient times in India and in many other civilizations around the world, one was valued as much for inner beauty as for one’s physical beauty. One took in what was pleasurable of course but also bearing in mind the holistic benefits of what was consumed. One possessed a greater sensitivity to the inner world and could gauge the inner health, habits and lifestyle of another simply by outer appearance alone.

I wonder how beautiful we would consider ourselves if we actually saw the noxious substances we may feed ourselves with. Would you still consider yourself a sexually desirable or attractive if you could just look at all the smokers tar building inside your lungs or if you had a meter to gauge the vast numbers of brain cells you destroy in your brain as your liver strains to break down the high alcohol content in your blood as a result of binge drinking. How about being able to gauge the suffering you may have to undergo once your lungs, liver or even brain give up on you.

There is a saying :"We live as if we will never die and die as if we never lived."

This is quite apt for the most of us. Time is relative and our sense of self, say 50 years from now is the same as it is now. Pain is the same at both points in time. How would you react now if you had to undergo the suffering your habit will bring on you at that point in time?

Back to ancient times- while death, disease etc was an accepted norm where one does not have much of a say in, it was widely believed that each person had some purpose in this life and that purpose was one's duty. To protect the body, as our own private vehicle, to nourish it with what is beneficial, was part of that duty. Contrast that with today where we go about our business, consuming foods containing chemicals, pesticides, drinking beverages, which slowly but surely erode our digestive tracks, our livers and inhale gases which leave residues of thick tar or other toxic substances in our lungs and blood. It is not a wonder that our children are born with learning difficulties, disabilities; new diseases mutate every day and our life-spans shorten.

It is understandable that we wish to run or hide away from all of this, from the problems of our lives and live in the make believe reality of a 'high' howsoever short that may be. But what about purpose, what are we really in this place for? If we just start asking ourselves this question, perhaps we may receive an answer, which is unique and personal to ourselves. I believe that destiny is written for us but I also believe that we have the power to alter our destiny by the choices we make. We do wield the pen, which writes the future chapters of our lives.

It is believed that the only way to let go of a destructive habit is to start cultivating constructive habits in their place. Eventually they will dissolve the destructiveness in anything you may be doing. Destructive habits are said to help seed destructive patterns of behaviour, which on the face of it may or may not be related. Could it be that there exists some a latent form of self-hate or a lack of self-love in all of this? After all why would one undertake something hazardous to ones self in complete awareness of the dear price to pay later?

One may argue that a life bereft of risk is timid and pointless. I agree with that, by all means take risks, make choices which may be risky to yourself provided there is a greater good, there is some purpose served. How can your addiction help save anybody? We may serve better examples to those to come after us by exemplifying what we can or should do than by being example of what we should not do or be.

How does it benefit others? How does it fulfill myself? What am I in this world to do, to contribute? Am I or is someone else paying a price by undertaking this practice?

Ultimately whatever we may do, be it constructive or destructive for ourselves, we make our own choices every moment of our lives and these choices determine the moments to come. Love for ones-self, faith in ones-self, faith in one's purpose in this world, if one has this, the extent of having it determines how we go about our lives.

I know it is quite uncool to talk of matters of faith or love but while I am on a roll here and you have been patient enough to read this far, I shall mention God as well. Whatever God may be to you in your heart of hearts, there is something beyond and within all of us. If and when I find myself doing something which is destructive to myself, be it physically, emotionally or mentally, when pushed to the wall I do try to let go and what better way to do that than to surrender it to the maker - him/her/itself. Surrendering to this greater more creative power vastly enables me in overcoming the rigid personal demons should they crop up. Letting go isn’t easy, be it a destructive pattern, habit or a destructive relationship;

But if you have a little bit of faith in yourself and if you have retained that tad bit of wonder you used to have when you got your first bicycle when you were 4 years old and planned to cycle around the world..you can make miracles happen, you should know...you are one yourself!

As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend
I brought my broken dreams to God
because he was my friend
but then, instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone
I hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own
at last I snatched them back and cried
"How can you be so slow?"
"My child", He said
"What could I do? You never did let go."
-unknown