Letting Go

Is it not often we find ourselves holding onto the things we do not need and let go of something which has the potential to nourish or nurture us because the latter is a bitter experience to face. We forget or willingly fail to see the long- term benefits at times in favour of immediate gratification of some sort. My experience is that this arises from a latent fear thereby promoting a sense of lassitude or perhaps a preferred sense of ignorance which helps push the matter at hand into the background..well until the next time the same issue crops up. By the same token, experience has also shown me that swallowing a bitter pill in the beginning saves many a hardship later on. Sometimes taking this step is forced upon you and at others you take that step summoning up the requisite degree of courage for the task at hand.

Letting go of something or someone unsavory or even a relationship especially if it or the person(s) is unhealthy for our overall development or well-being is not an easy task for most of us. Whatever be the reason for holding on, we have established some degree of a comfort level and letting go creates an imbalance, which can be unpleasant, coupled with, dare I say it-a sense of relief.

Take a common habit like smoking for instance. It is a personal choice for you to smoke and you should exercise your right to do so, if that is your inclination. The pack displays a statutory warning that smoking will injure your health/damage your lungs, etc etc. Yet a smoker would go ahead with it for the relaxed state or the 'high' it provides especially at the first hints of stress or just for the feel-good factor. Nevertheless What I find fascinating is the fact that a smoker would read the statutory warning just about every time (s)he opens the pack, what effect does this have on the mind or the subtle levels below the everyday thoughts floating to keep the mind occupied?

We all have an in-built mechanism of self-preservation whereby we avoid something fatal such as standing before a speeding train or jumping off a building so as not to bring our lives to an abrupt end. However if we make it a habit to stand on the open highway or on a rail track on a regular basis we are aware of the risk of being run over by something very fast, large and death is a certainty in any event. By undertaking a hazardous activity we are consciously fighting our natural inclination for self-preservation. One may argue that death/disease comes to us all and it can occur at any time so why bother with restricting ones self in what one does. There are other risks we take on a day-to-day basis which are much more life threatening or harmful and which can contribute to us negatively. While this may be true, I would like to ask that by undertaking a hazardous activity are we not increasing the risk of bringing an untimely end to our lives even where perhaps the degree of that risk was not high to begin with? Every time we smoke or consume a harmful drug, what messages are we sending to ourselves, our bodies or for that matter to the universe at large?

Isn’t the message something like this-"I am aware of the harmful and disintegrating nature of what I am doing to my body, to myself but I do not really mind the early onset of my death, in fact I am doing what I can in preponing my departure from this world and deriving whatever form of pleasure, in any way I can."

The message may also go like this- "I know this is harmful to me and where applicable, harmful to those around me but the 'high' I obtain from it is worth the suffering I or other may have to face later. My immediate satisfaction is my sole concern for now. I do not really have any concern for my well-being or the well-being of others."

Another message may go like this - " I don’t mind shortening my lifespan or consciously increasing the risk of an early death because I do not feel I have anything significant to contribute anyway. There is nothing special about me and I don’t like who or what I am. The world isn’t such a great place and the only way to deal with it is to escape through a particular practice even though it is slowly destroying me from within."

It is interesting to note that in ancient times in India and in many other civilizations around the world, one was valued as much for inner beauty as for one’s physical beauty. One took in what was pleasurable of course but also bearing in mind the holistic benefits of what was consumed. One possessed a greater sensitivity to the inner world and could gauge the inner health, habits and lifestyle of another simply by outer appearance alone.

I wonder how beautiful we would consider ourselves if we actually saw the noxious substances we may feed ourselves with. Would you still consider yourself a sexually desirable or attractive if you could just look at all the smokers tar building inside your lungs or if you had a meter to gauge the vast numbers of brain cells you destroy in your brain as your liver strains to break down the high alcohol content in your blood as a result of binge drinking. How about being able to gauge the suffering you may have to undergo once your lungs, liver or even brain give up on you.

There is a saying :"We live as if we will never die and die as if we never lived."

This is quite apt for the most of us. Time is relative and our sense of self, say 50 years from now is the same as it is now. Pain is the same at both points in time. How would you react now if you had to undergo the suffering your habit will bring on you at that point in time?

Back to ancient times- while death, disease etc was an accepted norm where one does not have much of a say in, it was widely believed that each person had some purpose in this life and that purpose was one's duty. To protect the body, as our own private vehicle, to nourish it with what is beneficial, was part of that duty. Contrast that with today where we go about our business, consuming foods containing chemicals, pesticides, drinking beverages, which slowly but surely erode our digestive tracks, our livers and inhale gases which leave residues of thick tar or other toxic substances in our lungs and blood. It is not a wonder that our children are born with learning difficulties, disabilities; new diseases mutate every day and our life-spans shorten.

It is understandable that we wish to run or hide away from all of this, from the problems of our lives and live in the make believe reality of a 'high' howsoever short that may be. But what about purpose, what are we really in this place for? If we just start asking ourselves this question, perhaps we may receive an answer, which is unique and personal to ourselves. I believe that destiny is written for us but I also believe that we have the power to alter our destiny by the choices we make. We do wield the pen, which writes the future chapters of our lives.

It is believed that the only way to let go of a destructive habit is to start cultivating constructive habits in their place. Eventually they will dissolve the destructiveness in anything you may be doing. Destructive habits are said to help seed destructive patterns of behaviour, which on the face of it may or may not be related. Could it be that there exists some a latent form of self-hate or a lack of self-love in all of this? After all why would one undertake something hazardous to ones self in complete awareness of the dear price to pay later?

One may argue that a life bereft of risk is timid and pointless. I agree with that, by all means take risks, make choices which may be risky to yourself provided there is a greater good, there is some purpose served. How can your addiction help save anybody? We may serve better examples to those to come after us by exemplifying what we can or should do than by being example of what we should not do or be.

How does it benefit others? How does it fulfill myself? What am I in this world to do, to contribute? Am I or is someone else paying a price by undertaking this practice?

Ultimately whatever we may do, be it constructive or destructive for ourselves, we make our own choices every moment of our lives and these choices determine the moments to come. Love for ones-self, faith in ones-self, faith in one's purpose in this world, if one has this, the extent of having it determines how we go about our lives.

I know it is quite uncool to talk of matters of faith or love but while I am on a roll here and you have been patient enough to read this far, I shall mention God as well. Whatever God may be to you in your heart of hearts, there is something beyond and within all of us. If and when I find myself doing something which is destructive to myself, be it physically, emotionally or mentally, when pushed to the wall I do try to let go and what better way to do that than to surrender it to the maker - him/her/itself. Surrendering to this greater more creative power vastly enables me in overcoming the rigid personal demons should they crop up. Letting go isn’t easy, be it a destructive pattern, habit or a destructive relationship;

But if you have a little bit of faith in yourself and if you have retained that tad bit of wonder you used to have when you got your first bicycle when you were 4 years old and planned to cycle around the world..you can make miracles happen, you should know...you are one yourself!

As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend
I brought my broken dreams to God
because he was my friend
but then, instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone
I hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own
at last I snatched them back and cried
"How can you be so slow?"
"My child", He said
"What could I do? You never did let go."
-unknown